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A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
"Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded. What did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I had an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me."
"He sure did, lady," said the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him.
The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis."
Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter.
The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen:
"Password rejected. Reason: Too short"
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car.
They said heavens no, they had bought it. He said, then why don't you drive it away.
They said we can't drive.
He said, then why did you buy it?
They answered, we were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.
A man, Ben, and his friend Jake went out hunting. This was Jake’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Ben’s lead.
Ben saw a small herd of deer and told Jake to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Ben heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Jake what had happened.
Jake said "There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Ben asked, exasperated. "Well," Jake continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ’em now?""
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