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There was a Jew and a Chinaman sitting at the bar drinking. All of a sudden the Jew turns and punches the Chinaman in the face, knocking him off his stool.
Stunned, the Chinaman gets up and says, "What the hell was that for?"
The Jew replies, "That was for Pearl Harbor."
The Chinaman says, "That was the Japanese, I'm Chinese."
The Jew says, "Well you have black hair, squinted eyes, and buckteeth, it's all the same to me."
The Chinaman says "Okay" and sits on his stool and continues drinking.
About a half hour later the Chinaman turns and punches the Jew in the face, knocking him off his stool.
The Jew gets up and says, "What the hell was that for?"
The Chinaman says "That was for the Titanic."
The Jew replies, "The Titanic? That was an iceberg!"
The Chinaman says, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, it's all the same to me."
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?"
A lawyer's dog runs around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Definitely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
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