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You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
Your TV gets 501 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different!
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Ellie May got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Ellie May got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Ellie May
didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Ellie May with me."
An out of towner drove his car into a ditch in an isolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?
A: A prom
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck.
The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
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