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A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father and son are in the hotel lobby when they spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" said the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her crutch, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
A hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and
a shotgun in the other. He stopped a man on the street, saying to
him: "Here friend, take a drink outa my jug."
The man protested, saying he never drank. The hillbilly leveled his
shotgun at the stranger and commanded: "Drink!"
The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed. "Gad!
That's awful stuff you've got there."
"Ain't it, though?" replied the hillbilly. "Now, you hold the gun
on me while I take a swig."
There were two backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. Cletis hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Army Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. Cletis was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whup Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whup Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 6 IN"
Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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